Handling Jealousy and Emotional Challenges

So, you've decided to explore non-monogamy—or you're thinking about it—and the big green monster has shown up. Yup, we’re talking about jealousy.

Here’s the truth: jealousy is normal. Seriously. Even the most experienced non-monogamous folks feel it from time to time. The difference is, they’ve learned to understand it, communicate about it, and work through it without shame. At Devils in the Bedroom, we want to help you do the same.

Jealousy Isn’t the Enemy

Jealousy gets a bad rap, but it’s just a feeling—a signal. It often points to something deeper like fear, insecurity, or unmet needs. Instead of trying to shove it down or pretend you’re too “evolved” to feel it, take a moment to ask:

• What am I actually feeling?

• Am I afraid of being replaced?

• Do I feel left out or undervalued?

• Is this bringing up old wounds or fears?

These are all valid questions. Getting to the root of jealousy makes it easier to address and less likely to spiral.

Insecurity & Comparison: The Sneaky Siblings of Jealousy

Let’s be real—social media, movies, and even hookup culture can make it easy to fall into the trap of comparison.

You might think:

• “Their other partner is hotter/smarter/more interesting than me.”

• “They spent more time with them than with me.”

• “What if they fall in love with someone else?”

  
  

Here’s the thing: your worth isn’t diminished because someone else is also loved or desired. Non-monogamy invites you to deconstruct scarcity thinking—the idea that there’s only so much love, attention, or value to go around. There’s not. Love isn’t pie. You’re not getting less because someone else is getting some too.

Regulating Emotions in the Moment

When jealousy or insecurity hits hard, here are some strategies to help ground yourself:

• Name it. “I’m feeling jealous.” That alone can be a powerful step.

• Breathe. Seriously. Deep breaths help regulate your nervous system.

• Pause before reacting. You don’t need to solve everything right now.

• Journal or voice-note it out. Let the feelings move through you.

• Reach out for support. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or peer who gets it.

The goal isn’t to never feel jealousy—it’s to respond to it with care instead of reacting from a place of fear.

Communicate (Again and Again)

If jealousy is coming up, it’s probably time for a check-in. Some tips for productive communication:

• Use “I” statements: “I felt anxious when I didn’t hear from you after your date.”

• Focus on needs, not blame: “I think I need some quality time to feel more connected.”

• Be open to listening, not just venting.

• Set or revisit agreements if needed.

Remember: communication in non-monogamy is a continuous process, not a one-time conversation.

Emotional Growth & Resilience

Exploring non-monogamy can stretch you emotionally—and that’s not a bad thing. Over time, many people find that working through jealousy helps them:

• Build deeper self-awareness

• Improve communication skills

• Increase emotional resilience

• Strengthen trust in themselves and their relationships

Non-monogamy is not about avoiding difficult feelings—it’s about navigating them with intention, compassion, and honesty.

Final Thoughts

Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re failing at non-monogamy. It means you’re human. What matters is how you respond to it—with curiosity, kindness, and communication.

Give yourself grace. Celebrate the growth. And remember, you're not alone on this journey.

🖤 Want to learn more? Check out our next post in the series here, where we explore the different types of non-monogamous relationship structures—and how to find what works best for you.