So, you're interested in exploring Non-Monogamy? Let's talk.

First off—welcome. Whether you’re just starting to get curious or you’ve been quietly wondering for a while, you’ve come to the right place. Here at Devils in the Bedroom, we believe in shame-free, judgment-free conversations about sex, relationships, and everything in between. That includes non-monogamy.

We’re here to help you make informed decisions—ones that are backed by research, lived experiences, and a whole lot of compassion. Curiosity is natural, and exploring relationship styles outside of what you may have grown up around doesn’t make you “weird” or “bad.” It just makes you human.

👉 If you need a refresher on what non-monogamy is and the different types that exist, check out our intro post here.

Now, let’s dive into what you really need to think about before opening up a relationship or exploring non-monogamous dynamics.

Why Are You Interested?

Start with the why.

Ask yourself (and your partner(s), if you have them):

• Am I seeking more connection, variety, freedom—or all of the above?

  
  

• Is this something I genuinely want, or am I trying to “fix” a struggling relationship? (Spoiler: that rarely works.)

  
  

• How do I usually handle feelings like jealousy, comparison, or insecurity?

  
  

• Am I prepared to be honest—with myself and others—about my wants and needs?

  
  

Being honest with yourself is just as important as being honest with your partner(s). Non-monogamy can be deeply fulfilling, but it works best when entered with clear intentions, not as a band-aid for something deeper.

Communication is Key

You’ve probably heard this a million times in every relationship advice column ever—but in non-monogamy, communication isn’t just important, it’s essential.

• Be open and honest about your needs, boundaries, fears, and expectations.

  
  

• Set agreements together, and don’t assume they’re set in stone forever.

  
  

• Check in regularly with all your partners—yes, even when things feel “fine.”

  
  

• Practice expressing your needs without blame, shame, or defensiveness.

  
  

Think of communication as the foundation for whatever structure you’re building. If it’s shaky, everything else will be too.

Boundaries & Agreements

In non-monogamous relationships, boundaries and agreements are your best friends. These can include:

• Emotional boundaries (e.g., no falling in love with others, or being okay if that happens)

  
  

• Sexual health agreements (e.g., barrier use, testing frequency, disclosures)

  
  

• Time management (e.g., how often you see others, how you divide your time)

  
  

• Communication expectations (e.g., do you share everything, or just the important stuff?)

  
  

And yes—cheating can still happen in non-monogamy. If you break an agreement you and your partner(s) made, that can still feel like betrayal. For example, if you agreed to tell your partner when you’re going on a date and choose not to, that could break trust. Transparency is a form of care.

Safe Sex & Sexual Health

Let’s talk about sex (safely).

• Regular STI testing is a must. Know your status, and be transparent with your partners.

  
  

• Use protection that makes sense for your lifestyle—condoms, dental dams, PrEP, birth control, etc.

  
  

• Learn harm reduction strategies and communicate about risk levels with anyone you’re involved with.

  
  

Everyone deserves to feel safe and cared for in their sexual and emotional health. That includes you.

Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy: You Have Options

At the end of the day, non-monogamy is not better than monogamy—and vice versa. They’re just different structures that work for different people. The best relationship style for you is the one that makes you feel respected, connected, and fulfilled.

Take your time. Ask the hard questions. Be curious. And if you decide to try non-monogamy, do it thoughtfully and intentionally.

🖤 Ready to go deeper? Check out our next post in the series here, where we talk about handling jealousy and emotional challenges in non-monogamy.